Baby, Baby

By Chalky Lives, Flickr Creative Commons

"No more pitocin!" says this kid.

“We bought it from the original owners,” we like to tell people. “It was built in 1951 by a man named Dude Coffey.”

Dude constructed our house and raised his family here. I didn’t bother to ask the seller for a detailed run-down, but it was clear that Dude’s kids and grandchildren took turns living in this home over the 60 years it belonged to the family. Some of his kids, now in their 50′s and 60′s, still live in the neighborhood.

It feels good in our house. I didn’t even have to do a sage burn when we moved in — which is something I’ve done in almost every apartment or house I’ve ever rented.

On our big moving day, as I scrubbed the walls and lugged boxes, one of the “kids” stopped by. I could overhear her talking to the realtor as they shuffled up the driveway.

“It just feels weird having other people live in our house!” she said.

I rolled my eyes. But, I was happy to know that our new home was always loved.

About a year later, Lou and I watched a documentary titled The Business of Being Born.

The film summarizes the history of childbirth practices in America and encourages women to consider natural labor, at home or in birthing centers with a midwife. Aside from Lou cringing at Ricki Lake’s naked body (she produced the film and shares her own at-home labor with the viewer) we’re happy we watched it. We decided that when we have baby times (whenever that is), a natural birth will be our preferred plan.

Then Lou disappeared outside to mow the front lawn.

As he finished the yard work, a car pulled up to our house.

“Do you live here?” asked the driver. “Mind if I take some pictures of your house? Today’s my daughter’s 18th birthday and she was born in your master bedroom,” he said, pointing to our bedroom window.

I may as well go out and buy the kiddie pool today…there’s no way I can back out of this now.

Pre-Pregnant

Photo by Ryan & Denise photography.

These things outed me as a bad investment to employers.

Have you heard that I’m 30?

Oh, and I’m also married in case you didn’t pick up on that.

But you can just call me “pre-pregnant”.

Because, evidently, that’s how others see me.

I’ve always had an awesome track record when it comes to job interviews. With the exception of one nanny position in college, every job interview I’ve ever attended resulted in an offer.

Until I became pre-pregnant, that is.

Within the last six months, I entertained two opportunities for full-time positions (this required preparation and attendance to six total interviews).  On both occasions, I was assured I was a strong favorite. But both offers went to someone else.

After the second rejection, I spun myself in circles trying to figure out what went wrong. Maybe I should not have worn heels? Did I sound like an arrogant asshole when he asked about leadership? Should I go back to brunette?!

I tried to dismiss the creepy thought that this may be glass-ceiling-related. I didn’t want to be one of those women who blamed her inability to advance her own career on a convenient and external excuse.

A couple weeks ago, I was chatting about job interviews with my in-laws. I cautiously brought up the possibility that being married and 30 might have swayed things.

“It had to be a factor,” said my brother-in-law.

“Did you wear your wedding ring to the interviews?” my sister-in-law asked.

“Yes,” I answered.

They both exploded.

“You NEVER wear your wedding ring to an interview!”

Silly me. I was thinking like a man.

I believed my marital status would legitimize me. I thought my wedding ring would say, “I won’t show up to work in yesterday’s outfit, smelling like booze. I won’t make-out with a coworker after happy hour and throw off the dynamic of the team. And, with the support of a loving husband, you’ll have a confident and eager worker. You can count on me, sir!”

Instead, my wedding ring said, “Hire me, I’ll drain you for maternity leave, and then I’ll quit.”

(I just feel that I need to add that I’m proud to be married and it feels really fucking disgusting to have to deny my marriage for any reason…even one that would have paid me more than 60k per year.)

So, rather than stalling out for the next five years in my career due to my pre-pregnancy, my husband and I decided I should freelance.

It was the right choice. I’m happy.

Because we will cross over into babyland soon (fingers crossed) and, yes, it would have compromised my full-time employment.

On the plus side, I won’t have to shove my head into an office toilet when I’m barfing from morning sickness.

But, shit, it would’ve been nice to decide for myself when my career was to be compromised.