What I Did Today, March 15

This is an ongoing series in which I transcribe — word for word — a journal entry from years ago.

In my teens and twenties, I religiously wrote in my journal. Now I will share these ridiculous snippets of my adolescent life with you (names have been changed to protect the innocent).

Let’s cringe together, shall we?

On March 15, 2001, NASA discovered flooding in Egypt...and I was concerned about losing a moment forever.

Thursday, March 15, 2001

I leave for Boston in about 6 hours. I always get all stressed out the night before a trip. And this is the first time in a LONG time that I’ve travelled alone. I have a one hour layover in Minesotta. I hope everything works out well. I totally overpacked – I always do. MAN – I’m so jittery.

I was in the grocery store buying some last minute things. The song “You are so beautiful to me” came on. It sounds way lame, but Paul used to goof around & sing that song to me. He even had a little sound bite on his desktop of his computer that would play a little snip-it when you clicked the icon.

So – I’m in Fry’s & it comes on the speakers. And it sort of got to me. Not like our other songs used to get me – I remember if I heard a song that was his – it would kill me. So much that I would physically feel it – I’d hunch over like someone punched me in the stomach & sometimes I’d even moan a little.

Well, the song tonight didn’t effect me that way, but it sort of smacked me. Its so odd how something like that can cause this RUSH over you – where you remember so vividly what he looked like when he sang it – what it felt like – how my soul felt – and how life was so different then.

You can almost smell his apartment.

Memories are incredibly bizarre – sometimes it just hits me…and my mind spins. The fact that moments are lost FOREVER.

This moment, this second, as I write these words…with every millimeter this pen moves, time is lost forever. And its crazy how I probably won’t specifically remember this moment, but it happened. Even though there’s no proof…no witnesses who can verify this moment through rememberance.

Ok – I should sleep now.

-Lilia

What I Did Today, February 25

This is an ongoing series in which I transcribe — word for word — a journal entry from years ago.

In my teens and twenties, I religiously wrote in my journal. Now I will share these ridiculous snippets of my adolescent life with you (names have been changed to protect the innocent).

Let’s cringe together, shall we?

On February 25, 1997, this soundtrack was released. Also, I was 15 and I wrote in my journal about getting drunk and high at a party.

Feb. 25, 1997 Tues.

AAAAHH! I need to break up with Jason. I don’t know how, though.

I forgot to write about how I got a phone # from this guy Brandon at the Queers. He’s really cute — nevermind, I just looked back & I did write about him. Well, anyway, we talked on the phone on Sun. & he’s pretty cool. He drives a ’67 beetle. He plays the guitar, lives on 217th Ave. About an hour from here. I talked to him tonight.

What to do about Jason!

I don’t even find myself attracted to him anymore. He was never the only person I thought about & stuff. And then him telling me he loves me — WHAT THE FUCK? That’s just ridiculous. He doesn’t even know me very well. I think he’s in love with the idea that I’m his girlfriend. But he doesn’t realize that. He needs to think about himself & what he REALLY needs — for someone to love him back — which I don’t.

This always happens to me!

Some guy falls head over heels for me and it completely turns me off. This whole situation is so pathetic. I don’t have the balls to say anything & he doesn’t have the self respect to realize he’s wasting his time. This just sucks. I’m going to have to break it off soon.

It’s 11:00 pm but I have to write about my weekend. Fri. night, I went bowling w/my bro. & his friends. I had lots of fun. Craig is really funny. Vicki talks on the phone with him a lot. I could go for him, but it would end up him liking me more than I like him. I would love to be really good friend w/him, though. So that was fun.

I need to stop with this whole crush on Tom. Just because I know its never going to happen. Its slowly but surely dwindling. So thats good.

Then I spent the night at Rochelle’s house.

On Sat., we went to Vicki’s, took showers, ate dinner, & Jim came over. Then we went to Denny’s with Robbie. He’s the shit. He cracks me up. Then me, Vicki, Rochelle, & Jim went to a party at this guy Ewan’s apartment. I met a guy who has a checkerboard Cadillac.

There was some other guy named Sam Samson who was really hot. Me & Rochelle were talking w/him most of the night. We were both kind of hitting on him & he was responding, but nothing happened. Rochelle was hitting on him more than me.

I got really drunk & high. It was the first time I did two drugs at once. Usually I don’t have the urge. I was pretty fucked up. At one point, Sam was licking my legs & Rochelle was biting my leg. Don’t ask me how or why. I just remember that. He had his tongue pierced.

I’ve really had the urge to have my tongue pierced. I just think it would be really fun to play with.

Then we spent the night at Carrie’s (Rochelle’s 26-year old sister). When we got there, we went into her room & there were four dogs in there – a golden retreiver, a german shephard, & 2 pugs. It was crazy.

On Sun., we went to Denny’s & went home. I went shopping w/my mom & got make-up.

Vicki broke up with Justin on Sunday. She called me and couldn’t even speak she was crying so hard. I’m glad they broke up. It was getting way too old. He’s stupid, too.

-Lilia