This is an ongoing series in which I transcribe — word for word — a journal entry from years ago.
In my teens and twenties, I religiously wrote in my journal. Now I will share these ridiculous snippets of my adolescent life with you (names have been changed to protect the innocent).
Let’s cringe together, shall we?
Thursday, March 15, 2001
I leave for Boston in about 6 hours. I always get all stressed out the night before a trip. And this is the first time in a LONG time that I’ve travelled alone. I have a one hour layover in Minesotta. I hope everything works out well. I totally overpacked – I always do. MAN – I’m so jittery.
I was in the grocery store buying some last minute things. The song “You are so beautiful to me” came on. It sounds way lame, but Paul used to goof around & sing that song to me. He even had a little sound bite on his desktop of his computer that would play a little snip-it when you clicked the icon.
So – I’m in Fry’s & it comes on the speakers. And it sort of got to me. Not like our other songs used to get me – I remember if I heard a song that was his – it would kill me. So much that I would physically feel it – I’d hunch over like someone punched me in the stomach & sometimes I’d even moan a little.
Well, the song tonight didn’t effect me that way, but it sort of smacked me. Its so odd how something like that can cause this RUSH over you – where you remember so vividly what he looked like when he sang it – what it felt like – how my soul felt – and how life was so different then.
You can almost smell his apartment.
Memories are incredibly bizarre – sometimes it just hits me…and my mind spins. The fact that moments are lost FOREVER.
This moment, this second, as I write these words…with every millimeter this pen moves, time is lost forever. And its crazy how I probably won’t specifically remember this moment, but it happened. Even though there’s no proof…no witnesses who can verify this moment through rememberance.
Ok – I should sleep now.