You’d think I could get this right by now.

As an adult, the misguided lessons I learned during my public school elementary education have caused me to look like a total moron on more than one occasion.

And, since my mother is an elementary school educator (still working at the same school I attended), I can’t blame the teachers. I can only blame myself.

In first grade, we learned about the cardinal directions on a map. Staring at the North-oriented pull-down maps and our North-oriented map worksheets for an entire year burned the lessons into my brain. One problem: the classroom and all its desks faced South. To this day, I have to mentally spin my internal compass when giving directions.

I don’t understand daylight savings. I suppose this has more to do with being a native Arizonan than my education but it still messes me up. I remember visiting my dad in California and he reset all the clocks one day to adjust for this strange thing. It still freaks me out that everyone else (including Indiana now) agrees to and coordinates the manipulation of time itself. What are they? Gods?

Also, I still make mistakes distinguishing between left and right. I have no explanation for this.

And, here’s the best one. As a kid, I got it in my head that a.m. is when the sun is up and p.m. is when the sun is down. I recall my teacher writing, “Lunch at 12 p.m. today!” on the chalkboard and I giggled because I thought she made a mistake.

Lunch doesn’t happen at midnight.

No, but the deadline I missed today did.

Like I said, moron.

(For more funny — and totally incorrect — ideas formed during childhood, check out this post.)